suecullen's blog

I was recently honored to be one of the speakers for the leadership conference of an organization that supports and empowers women and children around the globe. I invite you to visit their website to see all the good things they are doing to matter in this world: www.diningforwomen.org.

One thing that makes the organization unique is that it does an excellent job educating and connecting donors with the face of its recipients. And the conference was filled with inspirational stories of how lives have been changed.

During one of the presentations, I was astounded to hear the personal story of a woman growing up in India. As one of two daughters, she never heard her name used when she was introduced to others. In fact, she and her sister were merely known in the village as the “number one” and “number two” daughters or “the daughter of _____.” If someone came calling to the door of her home and she answered it, she would have to state that “No one is home” if no male members were present. Heartbreaking to hear how little value was put on females in her culture.

How many of you were Girl Scouts?

I’m proud to say that I was a Girl Scout when I was younger. The experience gave me a wide variety of opportunities and memories that I’ll always treasure.

Being a music lover, one of my favorite parts of any scout gathering was sing-along time. And this classic was at the top of my list:

“Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
And the other gold.”

When I was in fourth grade I couldn’t imagine ever losing touch with the friends in my circle; so keeping the old friends didn’t seem so difficult. But I remember wondering – and being excited about - who else I would meet in the future.

Now after moving across the country to several different states, I’m sad to say I have lost touch with those early buddies; but I am grateful for the big role they played in shaping who I am.

Fortunately, I have been blessed to have many wonderful new people come into my life since then. Friends. Mentors. Collaborators. Neighbors. Clients. Colleagues. Family members.

How time flies!

I was struck this weekend with the fact that it’s been exactly a year since I joined this Balance Austin community.

At the time I wrote my first blog entry, I remember feeling like a bit of an imposter because of all the changes going on in my life. Yet it was pure and simple gratitude that helped to reframe the chaos:

http://austin.balance.fm/blog/suecullen/2008-sep-26/oasis-gratitude

As I look back on this year I have so much to be grateful for and so much to celebrate. And I am convinced more than ever that for all the things that change in life, there are some things that never change.....like the power of gratitude for enhancing the mountaintop experiences and smoothing out the bumps.

Look back on the past year of your life. What are you grateful for today?

Sue Cullen, M.A., founder of Sue Cullen & Associates in Austin (www.suecullen.com) inspires and empowers individuals and teams to reach their full potential through career, leadership and team development and life/work balance coaching. She also offers Every Step Matters (TM) workshops and retreats to help women find meaning, joy and value in every step of life.

I recently spoke to a group of 150 job seekers and asked them to raise their hands if they could name their best and favorite skills.

Can you guess how many people raised their hands?

Only six.

Yes, six……And these are people who are now in the business of selling their best skills to others.

After working with people in career development and transition for over 20 years, I still continue to be amazed at how many people are blind to their unique skills, gifts and value.

How about you?

Does what you do well come so naturally, that you take it for granted?

I truly believe that life is a team sport. And there are at least four important rules of the game:

1. Name and claim the strengths you have to offer. This will help your performance in your career, your family, your relationships, a job search – and in all parts of your life! When you realize that you have something that no one else can contribute to the world in quite the same way, you will develop a stronger sense of mission or purpose and become a magnet for opportunities to use your gifts.

I see it over and over again. Clients want to make a change in their lives – maybe a tiny shift or maybe a large reinvention.

But taking the first step feels like jumping off a cliff.

So instead they’ll plan, research, stall, assess, make excuses and find every distraction possible to keep from actually moving in the direction they want to go.

Sound familiar?

Ironically, once people do start moving they realize that the journey is half the fun. And things don’t really have to be planned completely from the start in order to make significant positive changes. Just taking the first action step – even if it’s a baby step - is the key.

If you’re feeling somewhat stuck in the adjustments that you’d like to make to your life, I’d like to share a quote that has become one of my clients’ favorites to help nudge them forward. (I’m not even sure of the source of it. If you do, please let me know.)

“It’s easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than to think yourself into a new way of acting.”

Can you feel it? The hustle and bustle of the back-to-school-frenzy is in the air.

Balancing all your work, home, family, school, social and volunteer responsibilities can be a real challenge any time – but it’s especially complicated this time of year as you try to negotiate your new routines.

In order to be a good parent, there’s a tendency to want to do it all and to say yes to everything.

But I’d like to challenge you to work hard at choosing your commitments with a large dose of discernment.

I’ll never forget my first experience as a school volunteer when my oldest daughter entered kindergarten. The class needed volunteers to bake cookies for a party. (At that time no store bought cookies were allowed!) How could I say no when the teacher asked for my help while my sweet five year old was standing there with pleading wide-eyes?

But if I had been honest with everyone I would have admitted that I wasn’t much of a cook instead of staying up half the night experimenting with cookie dough until I lucked into a batch that was edible!

When my daughter was in elementary school, my husband had the privilege of coaching her church basketball team.

Typically the season would begin with several weeks of practice to get the girls ready for competition before the first official game.

One year the team was about three weeks into the season when the players just didn’t seem to be gelling. Coach Cullen sent the girls to the bench during halftime to have a gentle but frank reminder of what was supposed to happen when the plays were called.

As the girls listened intently to their instructions, one little girl leaned over to my daughter and whispered, “What exactly does your dad mean when he says the word ‘defense’?”

Despite several weeks of practice, some of the team members did not have a clear understanding of the meaning of the basic fundamentals!! How could they possibly achieve their goal?

We’ve all been drawn to this Balance Austin community to help find balance in our lives. But I can’t help but wonder....how do you define balance? How realistic is your definition? And how will you know if and when you achieve it?

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus is known for his philosophy that “the only constant is change.”

That axiom seems to be as true in 2009 AD as it was in 500 BC. But I wonder if even Heraclitus would agree that change seems to be happening faster than ever! How can we ever keep up?

I suppose we could label change as one of the bitter enemies of balance because of the way change can play havoc with our equilibrium and knock us out of our comfort zones. But what if we choose to frame change differently and welcome it as a natural opportunity for learning and growth?

What would happen if we follow these ground rules for coping with change?

1. Accept that change is a reality and here to stay.

2. Expect the transition process to not be linear or predictable.

3. Be open to new opportunities and solutions.

4. Recognize that no one has all the answers...it’s a good time to engage your team.

5. Appreciate that mistakes along the way are inevitable.

6. Pay attention to what you can learn from the experience.

7. Maintain a sense of humor!

As part of our recent (and ongoing) home renovation, we added a small arbor on the back of our house. The vision was to eventually have a cooler (OK, we’re in Texas……not as HOT!) outdoor living space shaded by beautiful flowering vines.

Of course, as with any vision, you have to start somewhere. So for us, it began with the building of the wood frame. Then we planted two climbing vines in opposite corners of the wood arbor with the hope that eventually they would grow and thrive and meet in the middle to cover the entire area.

A couple of weeks ago we were delighted to notice that one of the plants was doing really well. In fact, it had climbed up its post and was nearly touching the top of the structure. But the other vine wasn’t faring as well. Although it was still green and growing, it was noticeably smaller than its partner.

So we decided to experiment. We moved the pot with the smaller plant to a different post – only about 7 feet away and gave it a new type of trellis to support it.

Same plant. Same pot. Same care otherwise.

Have you had the opportunity to spend time around any small children lately?

Next time you do…..watch them closely and notice what they’re doing. They’re watching YOU!

That may be alright if you sing a cute song and they sing it back. Or make a funny face or sound and they mimic you.

But I learned the hard way that this modeling of behavior can also have negative consequences.

Jokingly hold the plastic ears of a Mr. Potato Head up to your own ears and you’ll spend the rest of the afternoon chasing after a three year old trying to keep him from sticking those tiny plastic ears into his own ears! Or let a word you didn’t mean to say slip out and you’ll be wishing you could push the rewind and delete buttons on YOU! Kids learn the good – and the bad – from us.