Ann Daly PhD's blog

Here is my duh-aha! moment for the day, from Keith Ferrazzi's new book, Who's Got Your Back: The Secret to Finding the 3 People Who Will Change Your Life.

(If you don't know Ferrazzi, he is also the author of Never Eat Alone. That book, a soulful approach to networking, helped transform me from an academic into a solopreneur. I recommend it highly, and often.)

In this new book, Ferrazzi makes an excellent, clarifying distinction between performance goals (outcomes) and learning goals (process). And he recommends that we translate performance goals into learning goals. Instead of: "lose 10 pounds," focus on "learn to cook healthier meals." Instead of "get promoted to manager," focus on "learn how to lead meetings.

This week Time magazine is asking "What Women Want Now." I must have been busy polishing my nails when the Time editors called for my opinion, so I'll share my desires here:

I want a woman president.

I want women's careers to be valued equally to those of men's careers.

I want childcare and the domestic sphere to be an equally paternal and maternal responsibility.

I want women's smarts to be seen before their bodies.

I want women to feel as entitled to success as men do.

I want equal pay for all.

I want at least as many women as men at the top.

I want girls to experience limitless ambition.

I want to end the fantasy that sexism is dead.

I want women to want power.

What if every woman expressed her desires? Tell me, what are yours?

Gina is a self-described "young professional" who's ambitious about becoming a great event planner. She asked me, "What can I do to become a 'self-starter' and mean it? I'm putting off a big marketing project and looking for motivation to get going."

We can all relate, Gina, even us not-so-young professionals. Here are a few ideas that I hope will jumpstart your marketing project:

I recently posted this factoid on Facebook: "Women who take vacations only once in 2 years are more likely to experience depression, tension, fatigue & marital dissatisfaction."

In subsequent conversation with a friend who approved of the sentiment, I added that "I'm a huge proponent of vacations, breaks, naps, and . . . 15 minutes of nothing a day."

You know I'm all about that 15 minutes of nothing day!

She told me how much of a difference that 15 minutes makes in her world: "I have four daughters, and constant noise. When the husband comes home, there's constant television. So my 15 minutes is filled to the brim with quiet. Total silence!  I savor silence like chocolate. And at least twice a week 15 minutes turns into 2 hours when I sit at the cafe away from home and family.  I crave these times."

I remember one man who attended one of my seminars. He wrote a note to me afterward, saying that he intended to spend his 15 minutes in a treehouse.

If you're like me, you're constantly coming up with things to do. I'm always adding new ways to serve clients, teach concepts, launch the new audiobook, and so on and so on . . .

I first heard Jim Collins (author of Good to Great) talk about a NOT-to-do list at a conference keynote he gave. This recent blog post, "The Stop-Doing Strategy," by Matthew E. May (author of In Pursuit of Elegance), fills out Collins' story. Like so many of us, Collins adapted a less-is-more approach at a time in his life when he felt himself being more frantic than focused.

The financial girlfriend guru we love best recently responded to a question about pulling money out of an IRA that had lost money in the downturn. After exhorting the reader not to touch the fund, Orman (author of Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny) explained why:

Executive presence.

There has been a lot of ink (and pixels) devoted to "what to wear," but not so much about "how to sound." No matter how impressive a woman exec may appear, a weak or tentative speech style will betray her journey to the C-suite.
 
In preparation for taping my first audiobook (want a sneak preview?), I began some months back to undertake voice coaching with Pamela Christian PhD, a former colleague of mine from the University of Texas at Austin. I was stunned by how much I didn't know about my own voice and how simple it was to enhance my speech style.
 

I don't do resolutions anymore. I do mantras. For a long time, my mantra has been: "One thing at a time." Last year, I added another: "Live and learn." Each one reminds me, about a thousand times a day, to breathe and enjoy the process.
 

My friend Wendy stole her mantra from her 22-month-old daughter, Ella. At a neighborhood festival, Ella was bouncing around in a castle-shaped moon jump when she found herself nose-to-nose with a little boy whose entire face had been transformed by the face painters into a fearsome Spiderman. She fled in terror, and Wendy consoled her by explaining, "It's only paint!"

In the weeks following, Ella would use those three words as a way to confirm with her mom that all was well, despite fear or confusion. "It's only paint, right Mom?"

Wendy got to thinking, and even writing, about the full meaning of this little shorthand. And she realized that it applied as much to mother as daughter:

It's so exciting to see women reinventing themselves with a frequency and intensity that our mothers' generation would never have imagined. But it's still a challenge to take a Do-Over! in any part of your life. If you're in the process, here are the top 3 mistakes I see in my coaching practice:

1.  Poor Planning: You can't wing a Do-Over! Big or small, it needs to be thought-through ahead of time with at least the same precision as you plan a meal (think Julia Child). Not only do you need to consider the pragmatics of change, but you also need to consider how you will handle the push-back you're likely to get from your family, friends, or co-workers.

In the midst of so much economic and personal uncertainty, it’s a challenge to maintain our focus at work. But there are practical strategies that you can use to keep the chaos at bay.

We’re all feeling stressed, whether it’s our 401K, our loved ones’ jobs, or our kids’ college fund. In order to remain productive at work, we need to consciously manage the distractions.